Let’s be honest. Part of the joy of being a grandparent is saying yes when Mom and Dad say no. A later bedtime. An extra cookie. A little more TV than usual. Those small treats are part of what makes your house feel special.
And that’s okay. Kids understand that different places have different rules. They see it at school, at friends’ houses, everywhere they go. A licensed family psychologist, Dr. Crystal Saidi, told Parade that those little differences are usually harmless.
The question is where harmless spoiling turns into something more serious. The line matters.
What’s Fine to Bend
Dr. Saidi says smaller rules are safe to relax. A later bedtime on a visit, a little extra screen time, a special treat after dinner… these fall into the category of normal grandparent indulgences.
It only becomes a problem, she explains, if those different rules undermine important parenting decisions, create real risks, or teach children that rules don’t matter when someone else is in charge.
The Line That Should Never Be Crossed
According to Dr. Saidi, the uncrossable line is safety.
That means ignoring a food allergy, skipping a car seat, disregarding medication instructions, or using physical punishment. These are not negotiable. They put the child at genuine risk.
Other Ways to Overstep
There are a few other behaviors that can cause real tension. Dr. Saidi points to four in particular:
- Disregarding safety rules. Ignoring allergies, car seat requirements, or medication instructions puts a child in danger.
- Undermining parents in front of the child. This pulls the child into adult conflict and weakens the parent’s authority.
- Encouraging secrecy. Asking a grandchild to hide something from their parents can damage trust and create guilt or confusion.
- Refusing to respect reasonable boundaries. Occasional misunderstandings happen. But repeatedly ignoring a parent’s clear request suggests a deeper issue with respect.
How to Handle Boundary Talks
The goal is not to make your house exactly like theirs. It’s to keep the relationship warm, the visits joyful, and the grandchild safe. That’s something every generation can agree on.
