7 Habits That Push Adult Kids Away (And How to Stop)
September 21, 2026 — 65Nation
Most of us raised our kids the best we could. We worried about them, cheered for them, and showed up in every way we knew how. Now they are grown, with their own lives, their own families, and their own ways of doing things.
And sometimes, without meaning to, we do things that push them away.
Dr. Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, PMH-C, a psychologist and founder of Phoenix Health, has thought a lot about what strains these relationships. She points to a pattern called enmeshment, where the boundaries between parent and adult child become blurred.
“In enmeshed relationships, there’s no respect for what’s mine and what’s yours,” Dr. Guarnotta told Parade. In these situations, parents and children can end up feeling responsible for each other’s emotions, especially each other’s happiness.
Importantly, she is clear that enmeshment is not the same as closeness. “You can have a close relationship with your parents without the boundaries being blurred,” she says. And boundaries, she adds, are not about pushing anyone away. “Boundaries actually protect relationships.”
Here are seven habits Dr. Guarnotta says parents of adult children should stop and what to do instead.
1. Giving Unsolicited Advice on Parenting or Careers
We have lived a lot of life. It is natural to want to share what we have learned. But Dr. Guarnotta says unsolicited advice (especially around careers, parenting, or money) sends an unintended message.
“It subtly communicates, ‘I don’t trust your judgment,'” she says. “It takes away an adult child’s opportunity to make their own decisions.”
She acknowledges that parents usually mean well. Keeping that in mind can help when you feel the urge to weigh in. Instead, try asking first: “Do you want my thoughts, or do you just want me to listen?” That one question, she says, shows real respect for your child’s autonomy.
And sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is simply: “I trust you to figure this out.”
2. Using Guilt to Ask for Time
“You never call me anymore.” “I guess you don’t have time for me.” Familiar? Dr. Guarnotta says these kinds of comments, even when they come from a place of genuine longing, leave adult children feeling responsible for a parent’s happiness.
There is a real difference, she points out, between guilt and expressing a need. Saying “I miss you and wish I could see you more” is honest and direct. It shares a feeling and makes a request. That lands very differently than a comment that makes your child feel like they did something wrong.
If you miss them, say so plainly. “I’d really love to spend more time together” goes a long way further than a guilt-laced sigh.
3. Criticizing How They Raise Their Kids
This one can cause real damage. Dr. Guarnotta says parenting is an area where adult children (especially new parents) feel particularly vulnerable. They are learning as they go. Constant feedback or criticism, she explains, can make them feel incompetent and create lasting conflict between parents and grandparents.
Many parents today do things differently than we did. Dr. Guarnotta says that is okay and worth celebrating, not correcting.
“Rather than taking it personally, see it as a positive that your adult child wants to learn and grow in this area,” she says. Unless they ask for your input, what they need most is your support.
4. Expecting Them to Always Be Available
We live in an age of phones in every pocket, so it can feel personal when a call goes unanswered or a text sits on read for hours. Dr. Guarnotta says this is one of the most common tension points she sees.
“Adults today are juggling jobs, partners, children, friendships and responsibilities,” she reminds us. “Many of them have little to no downtime for themselves.”
Not picking up the phone is not a sign that they do not love you. Dr. Guarnotta puts it plainly: “Your child can love you and still not be available whenever you call.” Try not to read rejection into a busy schedule.
5. Making Their News About You
Your daughter got a promotion. Your son is going through something hard. Your grandkids performed on stage. And before long, the conversation has shifted to your own career story or how you had it harder back in the day.
Dr. Guarnotta says this pattern leaves adult children feeling unseen. The fix is simpler than it sounds: get curious. Ask a follow-up question. Stay with what they shared. “Get curious about your adult child’s experience by asking follow-up questions, expressing empathy and keeping the focus on the topic at hand,” she advises.
Listening fully is one of the greatest gifts you can give.
6. Criticizing Their Life Choices
A partner you are not sure about. A career path that looks nothing like yours. A lifestyle that feels unfamiliar. Dr. Guarnotta says that when parents consistently criticize these choices, adult children can pull back entirely.
“If they feel like they can never attain a parent’s approval, they may stop trying altogether,” she explains.
Her reminder for parents: “Your child can be happy and successful even if their choices look different.” They have to live their own life. We do not have to agree with every decision but we do need to respect it.
7. Never Apologizing When Things Go Wrong
No one gets through life without hurting someone they love. Dr. Guarnotta says healthy relationships will always have conflict at times; what matters is what happens next.
“Healthy relationships involve conflict, but they are always followed by acknowledgment and repair,” she says. When issues get swept under the rug, or when one person is always expected to just move on, the relationship cannot fully heal.
Her message to parents is a gentle one: “Apologizing doesn’t mean that you’re a bad parent.” It means you care about the relationship enough to tend to it. “This is key to rebuilding trust,” she adds.
The relationship you have with your grown children is one of the longest and most meaningful of your life. A little self-awareness and a willingness to grow alongside them can make all the difference.
