You pull out a board game at the kitchen table, everyone settles in, and then, one wrong turn later, the tears start. Or the accusations. Or the dramatic exit from the room.
If one of your grandchildren is a sore loser, you are far from alone. And it turns out, the games you choose can actually help.
Why Some Kids Take Losing So Hard
Dr. Leslie A. Lester, PsyD, a licensed psychologist and Associate Director of the YCS Institute for Infant and Preschool Mental Health, told Parade that the big reactions often come down to frustration tolerance, a skill children develop over time.
Some kids also struggle with emotional regulation in general, especially around losing. Dr. Lester notes that children who have experienced trauma related to losing or being left out may react more intensely. Losing a game can trigger feelings they already carry inside.
Anxiety, mood disorders, and other underlying differences can make those reactions even stronger, she explains.
The Type of Game That Helps
Dr. Lester recommends cooperative games for children who have a hard time with defeat.
These are games where the goal is not to beat the other players, but to experience manageable frustration in a safe setting, with a trusted adult nearby to help them work through it.
“The goal when playing these games is for the child to experience manageable frustration or a challenging feeling with a trusted adult in a safe and supportive environment who can help them work through those feelings, tolerate them and learn to cope in a healthy way.” — Dr. Leslie A. Lester, PsyD
That trusted adult could easily be you, Grandma or Grandpa. A rainy afternoon at your house is a perfect time to try one of these.
Four Games Worth Having on the Shelf
- Chutes and Ladders. This one is great for young children, according to Dr. Lester. A player can be inches from winning and then slide all the way back. That sudden shift teaches kids to manage unexpected setbacks, in a game, at least.
- UNO. The outcome can flip in a heartbeat. One moment a child is about to win; the next they are picking up a fistful of cards. Dr. Lester says those small moments of frustration are exactly what make it useful.
- Jenga. The tower is always going to fall eventually. Dr. Lester points out that in Jenga, the mistakes are part of the fun. And because each move depends on what the previous player did, kids practice adjusting to situations they did not create.
- Origami. Not a game in the traditional sense, but Dr. Lester recommends it for kids who struggle with losing. It requires patience and frustration tolerance, and if they fold it wrong, they simply start over. No winner, no loser, just the challenge of trying again.
How These Games Build Resilience
According to Dr. Lester, cooperative and low-stakes games give children a safe place to practice managing difficult feelings. Those experiences carry over into real life. Over time, kids can learn to tolerate frustration, regulate their emotions, and cope when things do not go the way they hoped.
If the outbursts continue after trying these games, Dr. Lester suggests seeking professional guidance to help your grandchild develop the tools they need as they grow.
In the meantime, a game of UNO at your kitchen table might do more good than you think.
