You scoop up your cat, pull her close, and breathe in that familiar warmth. It feels like love. And it is, on your end. But your cat may be experiencing something completely different.
According to Dr. W. Chris Hummel, a veterinarian at Lovet Pet Health Care, what feels like comfort to us can feel like a trap to a cat. “Things that are signs of affection for humans, like hugs, can be overwhelming or perceived as aggression by animals as sensitive as cats,” he told Newsweek. “Hugs in particular are mostly a primate thing and can feel restricting and overwhelming to other animals.”
Why Cats See It Differently
Cats are wired to stay in control of their surroundings. Being able to move away from something that feels threatening is not just a preference for them; it is instinct. A hug, even from someone they adore, takes that option away.
“Cats don’t like being hugged because it feels very restricting, entrapping them,” Dr. Hummel explained. “They prefer to be able to escape danger.”
That is not a personality flaw. It is just how cats are built.
Signs Your Cat Is Uncomfortable
Some cats will let you know right away. Others give quieter signals that are easy to miss. Dr. Hummel says watch for these signs that a hug is not welcome:
- Wiggling or squirming to get free
- Hissing
- Swatting
- Tail thrashing
- Biting
These are not signs that your cat dislikes you. They are your cat’s way of asking for a little more space.
Pushing It Can Backfire
A quick squeeze feels harmless. But if it keeps happening against your cat’s wishes, it can quietly chip away at the trust between you.
“Forcing hugs on anyone, human or cat, is a very stressful thing for the recipient, especially if they cannot escape the hug,” Dr. Hummel said.
A cat that feels its limits are not being respected may start hiding when you walk in the room, avoiding you altogether, or reacting more defensively than usual.
What Your Cat Actually Enjoys
The good news is there are plenty of ways to show your cat love that she will actually feel as love.
Dr. Hummel points to a 2019 study by Cell Press that found kittens display similar behaviors toward their human caregivers as they do toward their biological parents. Cats use body language to communicate their relationships with people; we just have to learn to read it.
Since grooming is a bonding activity between cats, gentle brushing can be a meaningful way to connect. Dr. Hummel also recommends gentle scratches around the neck and ears, along with playtime, as trust-builders. For some cats, a purring headbutt against your hand may be the closest thing to a hug they have to offer.
The key is to keep watching your cat’s body language and let her set the pace.
A Cat That Skips Hugs Still Loves You
Here is something worth holding onto: a cat that does not like being held is not a cat that does not love you.
“Just because some cats aren’t ‘velcro kittens,’ they still love their owners the same,” Dr. Hummel said.
A cat who chooses to nap in the same room, rub against your leg, or simply settle nearby while you read is showing trust. That is its own kind of closeness.
Some Cats Really Do Love to Cuddle
Of course, not every cat keeps its distance. Plenty of them are perfectly happy being held and fussed over.
“Some cats definitely enjoy hugs more than others, and it is largely based on their personality and temperament,” Dr. Hummel said.
Certain breeds, like ragdolls, are often known for being especially relaxed and comfortable with handling, though every cat is its own individual. If yours seeks out your lap and stays there contentedly, that is a good sign the affection is mutual.
The bond you have with your cat is real, whatever shape it takes. Sometimes love looks like a long hug. Sometimes it looks like two old friends sitting quietly in the same sunny room.