You raised your kids. You did the best you could. And now you are watching your own children raise theirs, sometimes in ways that look very different from what you remember.
Maybe when a grandchild melts down, your instinct is to step in and put a stop to it. That was the way things were done. You did not let kids act out. You toughened them up.
But parenting experts Kristin Gallant and Deena Margolin, the founders of Big Little Feelings, told Parade that approach is the number one piece of outdated advice they see passed down from grandparents to parents today.
The Advice They Say No Longer Holds Up
Gallant put it plainly. The old message was that a child is out of control and needs to be toughened up: sent to their room, spanked, or otherwise disciplined in a firm, immediate way.
Margolin agreed. She said the old thinking treated a child expressing big feelings as a child getting away with something. Her view is different.
“All feelings are OK,” Margolin explains. “Certain behaviors are not.” Her job, as a parent, is to teach children how to handle those feelings in healthier ways over time. The feelings themselves are not the problem.
Gallant and Margolin have more than 3.5 million followers on Instagram. Margolin is a licensed marriage and family therapist who studied under Dr. Dan Siegel and specializes in parent-child relationships and emotional development. Gallant has a background in maternal and child education.
When You and Your Kids See It Differently
It can sting when your own child seems to be parenting in a way you do not quite understand. Or when they do not seem to want your input.
Gallant says the most important thing a parent can do is trust themselves and let go of the need to convince everyone else they are right. That goes both ways.
“My biggest learning in nine years of mothering is that I do know how to parent my kid, and I know how I like to parent my kid. My job is not to convince you — whether it’s a grandparent, whether it’s a stranger at the mall, whether it’s my sister-in-law or mother-in-law — it’s actually not my job to convince you of anything at all.”
That is not the same as saying hard conversations never happen. Gallant is clear: if someone crosses a line and does something that is not OK, there will be a talk. But outside of that, she is not looking for anyone’s approval.
What This Means for Grandparents
Here is the quiet takeaway in all of this. Your son or daughter is not trying to tell you that you were a bad parent. They are finding their own way, just like you did.
You can disagree with an approach and still show up with warmth. You can hold your own views and still respect the boundary that this is their household and their child.
The connection you have with your grandchildren does not depend on everyone agreeing on every parenting choice. It depends on love, consistency, and showing up. That part has never changed.
