You know the feeling. The conversation wrapped up ten minutes ago, at least in your mind, but the other person is still going strong. You smile, you nod, and you wonder how on earth to get out of this gracefully.
Good news: there is a way. In fact, there are several. And according to one etiquette expert, using them will actually make people like you more, not less.
Nikki Sawhney is a certified etiquette consultant and founder of the New England School of Protocol. She says that knowing how to end a conversation politely is one of the most underrated social skills around.
“One of the most overlooked social skills is how to end a conversation gracefully, especially when speaking with someone who talks a lot,” Sawhney told Parade. “Good etiquette is knowing how to balance kindness with awareness. The goal is not to escape the interaction, but to end the dialogue without making the other person feel dismissed.”
Her core advice: remain clear, respectful, and brief.
How to Tell When a Conversation Has Run Its Course
Sawhney says a conversation has run its course when it stops feeling like a genuine back-and-forth. A few clear signs: the other person starts glancing at their watch, gives short answers, or stops asking questions. The talk has likely turned one-sided or repetitive.
Body language tells the story too. If someone is looking over your shoulder, fidgeting, or avoiding eye contact, they may be ready to wrap up as well. On your end, standing up, gathering your things, or turning slightly toward the door sends a natural signal that you are moving along.
At networking events, Sawhney has specific advice. “Networking events reward circulation,” she says. “The key is not to exit abruptly or when someone is mid-sentence. Instead, wait for a natural pause and exit courteously.”
What to Actually Say
People who talk a lot do not always pick up on subtle hints. That means waiting for the perfect opening may leave you waiting a very long time. Sawhney says the solution is to use a warm, friendly tone and be direct.
A few phrases she recommends:
- “I need to respect your time and mine.”
- “Before we go further, I need to head out in five minutes.”
- “I need to leave by 8:00 p.m.”
Once you have signaled the exit, close on a warm note. Mention something specific you enjoyed about the conversation. Sawhney suggests something like, “It was a pleasure to meet you. I really enjoyed hearing about your ski trip to Chamonix.” Even a simple “It was great connecting” or “I’m so glad we got to talk” leaves the other person feeling valued.
Four Tips That Make It Even Easier
Sawhney offers four more pieces of advice for anyone who wants to polish their exit skills.
1. Do not overexplain. Long justifications just make the conversation longer. Skip the list of errands like laundry and work tasks. Keep it short: “I need to head out now. It was lovely meeting you.”
2. Keep your tone warm, no matter the setting. In a professional situation, try “I’m going to jump off the call now so I can stay on schedule. Thank you for the update.” With a neighbor, something as easy as “I’d better get going, but it was very nice seeing you” works perfectly.
3. Be calm and firm. If someone keeps talking even after you have said goodbye, it is perfectly fine to say, “I really do have to go now” or “It was great catching up with you. I have to run.” Calm and clear is not rude. It is respectful.
4. Remember what good manners actually mean. As Sawhney puts it, “Good manners are not about endless availability. They are about making others feel heard and respected, while also respecting your own time and energy.”
That last one is worth remembering. Excusing yourself gracefully is not an unkind thing to do. It is the considerate thing for both of you.
