You know the moment. One second everything is fine, and the next your grandchild is in full meltdown mode: red-faced, in tears, and completely beyond the reach of reason. You say “calm down,” and it only seems to make things worse.
There is a good reason for that. When a child is overwhelmed by anger or frustration, the logical part of their brain essentially goes offline. Abstract words like “calm down” do not give them any real way to pull themselves back together.
Child psychologists say there is a faster approach and it starts with a glass of water and a straw.
The Straw Trick: Why It Works
Dr. Rebecca Weksner, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in pediatrics and parenting, told Parade that giving a child a very specific, physical task works far better than asking them to settle down.
Her go-to? Ask your grandchild to take three big gulps of water through a straw.
Here is the science behind it. Drinking through a straw forces the lungs and diaphragm into slow, deep breathing. That kind of breathing activates the vagus nerve, which signals the nervous system that everything is safe. The heart rate drops. The body relaxes. Dr. Weksner says the whole shift can happen in less than 10 seconds.
It works because it gives the child’s body something real to do, not a feeling to manage, but a physical action to complete.
Three More Ways to Help a Distressed Child
The straw trick is a great tool to keep handy. But Dr. Weksner also recommends a few other approaches worth knowing.
Speak low and slow. When a child is screaming, the instinct is to raise your voice or rush your words. Dr. Weksner says to do the opposite. Get down to their eye level, lower your voice, and slow way down. An upset brain struggles to process language, and a calm, slow voice helps it do that.
Use the words “right now.” Kids in the middle of a big feeling often believe it will last forever. Dr. Weksner suggests saying things like “I know you are really upset right now” or “It feels so hard right now.” That phrase gently reminds them that feelings come and go; they do not last forever.
Give them a small task. If no straw is nearby, try asking your grandchild to do four “soldier jumping jacks” or to go find their blue socks. Dr. Weksner explains that sending a child on a specific hunt like that moves brain activity away from the emotional center and back toward higher-level thinking, which is exactly where self-control lives.
These are small tools. But in the middle of a grocery store aisle or a long holiday weekend, small tools can feel like a lifesaver, for them and for you.
