Are Grandparents Less Involved Than They Used to Be?
October 19, 2026 — 65Nation
A lot of us grew up with grandparents who were just there. At the school pickup. At Sunday dinner. Available in a way that felt natural and easy. Many of us hoped to offer our own grandchildren the same thing.
But some of today’s parents say that picture looks very different in real life. And the conversation is getting louder.
What Parents Are Saying
Harriet, a 43-year-old mom who asked that her real name not be used, told Newsweek she grew up close to her grandparents. They lived a few hundred miles away but visited several times a year, helped with school drop-offs and pickups, and stayed genuinely involved in family life.
She hoped her own parents would do the same. It has not worked out that way.
“There’s always something, a talk or a coffee date, they want to rush back for,” she said. “We have sometimes gone four or five months without seeing them.”
Harriet is clear that she never expected her parents to provide regular childcare. What she wanted was simpler: for her children to feel like a meaningful part of their grandparents’ lives.
“Emotionally, I do feel a bit let down,” she said. “If I dwell on it, it can feel upsetting that perhaps my parents aren’t really that bothered by or invested in spending time with me and my family.”
Why the Gap Exists
Experts say several things have changed. Jane Eagle, a child well-being specialist and inclusion manager at Crimson Global Academy, told Newsweek that family life itself looks very different than it once did.
“People are working longer, retirement is often delayed, and the cost of living means that many grandparents simply don’t have the same freedom or financial security that previous generations may have enjoyed,” she said.
Eagle, who is herself a grandmother, added that even grandparents who want to be involved can find it hard to carve out time. “It’s not necessarily that they don’t want to be involved. Sometimes there simply aren’t enough hours in the day.”
Longer, healthier lives may also be reshaping what retirement looks like. Eagle noted that some grandparents are now traveling, pursuing hobbies, or enjoying opportunities they set aside while raising their own children.
When Expectations Don’t Match
Licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Azita Sayan said that expectations around grandparenting have shifted, and that gap can strain relationships.
“Many young parents are raising children in households where both parents work, childcare is enormously expensive, and they’re exhausted,” she said. “They naturally look to their parents for help. Meanwhile, their parents may have a completely different vision of what this stage of life should look like.”
Sayan described a push-and-pull that plays out in a lot of families: one generation saying, “We need you,” and the other saying, “We’ve already done our part.”
“A grandparent is not automatically an unpaid babysitter, and a grandchild should never become an inconvenience. Those are two very different things.” — Dr. Azita Sayan
What the Research Actually Shows
Here is something worth holding onto if you are a grandparent who does stay involved: the data suggests most grandparents are still very much in the picture.
A 2026 analysis using nationally representative Survey of Income and Program Participation data found that in 2023, grandparents provided some form of childcare to 47 percent of children under five and 37 percent of children aged five to ten in the U.S.
Eagle said the value grandparents bring goes well beyond childcare. Involved grandparents give children “a sense of belonging, family history, stability and another trusted adult to turn to.”
The Line That Matters
Sayan was careful to say that grandparents should not be criticized for pursuing their own interests. Living a full life in retirement is not the problem.
“There is a difference between having a life of your own and removing yourself from the lives of people who love you,” she said.
That is perhaps the gentlest way to put it. Grandchildren do not need you to give up everything. They need to know they matter. And most of the time, that does not take much, just enough presence for them to feel it.
