Provided by Jeff Hanna (click here for Facebook page)
Who operates under the belief: If growing old was easy, everyone would do it!
SHARE Weekly Senior Laughs:
WEEK OF NOVEMBER 2
AGE IS JUST A NUMBER…OR IS IT?
Have you read about people driving a Formula 1 car at 79, running marathons into their 90s, or climbing a mountain at age 100? As I reflect on my life, these would be more appropriate headlines for me:
- Man wrenches back after falling trying to put underwear on.
- Grandfather dislocates shoulder trying to scoop hard ice cream out of the container.
- Man confused as he finds self in room not knowing what he’d come in there for.
- Squad called as older gentleman slipped, tripped and fell over nothing but air!!!
Don’t worry, it only gets worse!
WEEK OF OCTOBER 27
NEW MEDS FOR OLDER ADULTS
Here’s a list of new meds about to hit the market. As always, you’ll want to check with your doctor about availability.
Symptoms New Med
Anger Issues Damitol
Constipation Poopsalotin
Brain Fuzz Thoughtsaformin
Falling Down Stopsatrippin
Lazy/Tired/Bored Lazydazadine
WEEK OF OCTOBER 20
TOP 5 WAYS TO RUIN A SENIOR BIRTHDAY PARTY
- Your birthday cake was accidentally made to look like a bed pan.
- When the guy bringing the punch arrives with it in a mason jar.
- Someone gets sick when they mistake the potpourri centerpiece for a trail mix.
- One of the guests’ yells, “Stop eating, I may have just lost my hearing aid.”
- When the crowd starts singing happy birthday and get to the end and forget your name.
WEEK OF OCTOBER 13
NOW THAT WE’RE OLDER
We all should know the song You Are My Sunshine.
Here’s a senior version you may want to try out:
Now that we’re older, and move much slower,
Our failing legs sure slow us down
We’ve got bursitis, right here beside us,
And lose our memory, all day long.
We look for answers, or medication,
Whatever’s needed, to ease our pain.
This getting older, sure makes us weary,
Can you help us find our cane.
Oh, when it’s over, and we are finished,
And when our time on earth is done,
We will reflect back, with one last smile,
And say goodbye, it’s sure been fun.
WEEK OF OCTOBER 6
WEEK OF SEPTEMBER 29
YOU’D THINK WE WOULD HAVE FIGURED IT OUT BY NOW
Some songs from our past asked questions that still are begging an answer. Here are a few…
- Was the hokey pokey really what it was all about?
- Who let the dogs out?
- Who actually did write the book of love?
- Has anyone found the way to San Jose?
- What’s goin on?
And now that we’ve crossed this threshold…
- Will they still need us, will they still feed us when we’re 64?
WEEK OF SEPTEMBER 22
- 5-ft Dash
- Slip, Trip and Fall Medley
- Door Jam Hurdles
- Sock Pull Relay
- Slipped Discus
- Nighttime Visit to the Bathroom Speed Walking
WEEK OF SEPTEMBER 15
PUNISHMENTS FROM OUR YOUTH WE NOW EMBRACE
Have you noticed many of us now embrace some of the punishments we received when we were kids? Some of us may now even look forward to them. Here are some examples:
- Our parents would yell at us loudly, yet now we need people to do so, so we can hear them.
- We may have heard, “Go to your room!” And for many of us, it’s become our happy place.
- Did anyone get the, “You’re going to bed early” punishment? And our current response is, “Can we go now?!”
- Parents would notoriously say, “Eat your veggies.” Is it weird that we actually prefer them now?
- And finally, you may have heard, “Sit in your time-out chair and think about what you’ve done!” Heck, we do that a lot now. We call it a trip down memory lane.
WEEK OF SEPTEMBER 8
SONG TITLES REVISITED
We had some great songs when we were young. Enjoy this revised list of song titles, made more relevant by our current stage in life.
How Much Is That Walker in the Window?
You Can’t Always Reach What You Want
I Can’t See Clearly Now
Let’s Go to the Hop…sital
I Get Around…But Slowly
Good Golly, Where’s the Potty?
WEEK OF SEPTEMBER 1
ODE TO GROWING OLD
A senior song sung to the tune, “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star:”
Groaning, wheezing, aren’t we old?
First, we’re hot, and then we’re cold.
In a room, forgetting why,
Need a pill, or maybe pie.
Upset tummy, oops now gas.
Getting old is such a blast!
WEEK OF AUGUST 25
I MUST BE IN SHAPE
I was reading a list of recommended exercises at doctor’s office and was surprised to find out I already do most of them. Therefore it appears I’m in better shape than I thought.
Bent Over Dumbbell: That’s what I do anytime I drop something.
Squat: When regular, at least 2X daily.
Dead Lift: Me trying to get out of bed every morning.
Dumbbell Stiff Leg: When I get a cramp while watching too much TV.
Lunge: What happens just between me tripping and ending up on floor.
So, relax…don’t be so hard on yourself, we’ve got this exercise thing covered.
WEEK OF AUGUST 18
DISEASES THEY HAVE NOT TOLD US ABOUT
I believe there may be some diseases the doctors may be withholding from seniors. I came across this secret list.
Addiction to chocolate: Maximus Choco Disorder
Craving for ice cream: Chronic Scoopinosis
Love playing cards: Shuffleitis Virus
Random hair growth: Unplanned Follicle Explosion
Can’t wait to play bingo: The Onset of a “B-9” Disease
WEEK OF AUGUST 11
CHANGING EXPRESSIONS
We may hear some expressions these days that may need interpreted into the language of our days. Here are a few:
Now Then
Dope Okey-dokey
$#@&! Fiddlesticks, Doggonit, or Dadgummit
OMG Heavens to Betsy
Acting Psycho Stop your tomfoolery
Don’t get bent Stop being persnickety
Catch ya later Tootaloo
WEEK OF AUGUST 4
GAMES OF MY YOUTH
We played these games when we were young, yet they just don’t have the same appeal now that we’re older:
· Ring Around the Rosey
We all fall down? No thanks!
· Red Rover, Red Rover
Most of the time, I really don’t want anyone to come over
· Hide and Seek
I tried it, but I forgot where I was hiding.
· Marbles
Sounds fun, but I have lost mine.
· Jump Rope
I’m lucky just getting over door jam.
WEEK OF JULY 28
IF SENIORS DECIDED TO START A BAND
If you choose to start jammin at an older age, here might be some potential band names:
- Crosby, Still, Nash and no longer Young
- Metal-mucil
- Tom Petty and the Heart Monitors
- Huey Lewis and the Bruise
- The Elderly Brothers